


Hawk just needs a hug

by Alaxamber



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Anders Being Anders, Drinking, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, No Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 06:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15504348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alaxamber/pseuds/Alaxamber
Summary: “Cullen… am I unlovable?”“No, Hawk I don't think so,” his voice was soft, the circles around his eyes seemed a bit darker in the fire light, he reached up and gently wiped her tears away, “I just don't think you have found the right person yet.”





	Hawk just needs a hug

“Hawk, wait.” 

The voice caught her off guard as she opened her door into her home. She turned and smiled at the templar walking toward her with heavy foot falls. 

“Cullen, good evening, what brings you to Hightown?” Hawk asked as she leaned against the side of the doorway.

“I wanted to talk before I heading back to the barracks, but I couldn't seem to catch you until now,” a small smile graced his lips as he came to a stand still near her, at this distance Hawk could note the dark circles around his eyes seemed a bit darker. 

“Oh, well you caught me. Want to come in for a drink?” Hawk asked her head cocked. She opened the door widely to let the templar enter if he wanted.

“Are you sure Hawk? Do you want to be seen conspiring with a templar after supporting the mages?” his small smile was gone, and he looked around. There where not many out, most to scared to leave their homes, fear of rogue mages or templars, kept them indoors. 

“I wouldn't worry much, no one seems to be taking notice.” a large smile spread across her lips as she entered her home.

With a nod the captain followed her in and made sure to shut the door securely. When he turned Hawk was already on her way upstairs, unsure of where he was meant to go he just walked a little further in and near the fireplace. After a bit he could hear Hawk exit her room, and a quick glance showed she just changed her clothes.

“Sorry about that, I hate staying in my armor at home.” with another smile she came down to the landing and motioned for him to follow her into the sitting room. 

Cullen followed her into the sitting room, he ran a hand over his face before sitting in once of the large chairs. A small frown as he shifted and adjusted his armor until he could sit in relative comfort.

“Hawk, I want… needed-"he started talking but a glass suddenly in his face gave him pause. He ran his gaze up the glass and into Hawk’s blue eyes. 

“You look like you need it. I know I do.” Hawk gives him another smile before letting him take it, then sat across from him sipping at her own glass, “As you were saying? What do you need from me?”

With a deep sigh and an long drink from the glass he settled his amber eyes on her, “ Why the mages? After what...Anders did.”

With a deep breath Hawk leaned back, she seemed to be in deep thought. She didn’t answer right away, taking another few drinks before sighing again. “The real reason?”

“That would be… much appreciated,” Cullen replied finishing his drink setting it off to the side. Not asking for more due to the small amount of drink already affecting him. He didn't normally partake and this stuff seemed stronger than it tasted.

“Well Cullen, both sides seemed pretty much like a lost cause…” she stood and moved to a small table filling her glass again. “ I nearly said neither side… but…” she leans against the wall hiding her face. 

Cullen stood, making a move toward her but the loud sound of his armor seemed to scare the champion and she turned quickly. Tears had filled her large blue eyes, the firefight catching the sparkle of tears that had already begun to fall but she didn't make a move to wipe them.

“I was scared to lose those around me… I felt… that if I didn't choose the ‘small guys’ then I was sending them to death…” her voice was thick as she leaned back against the wall, she closed her eyes and let the tears fall a bit more freely.

Cullen wanted to move forward, wanted to comfort the woman clearly in pain, but it wasn't his place. “So… you choose the Mages to try and save lives? What of Anders? Why did you just let him destroy so many?” he tried to keep his anger from his voice, he didn't need to scare her more.

With a small laugh she shook her head and slightly shook it, “I… thought he loved me… but he just used me…”

Cullen moved forward, he grabbed his glass and filled both his and hers, “Hawk…” 

A another self deprecating laugh escaped her lips as she took the glass from him draining it. “I chose the mages… because I saw no other way…” she looked up at him her brows furrowed under her bangs.

“Hawk… I am sorry to hear that he used you in such away,” Cullen took a small sip and sighed through his nose.

She smiled up at him and poured another glass, “He isn't the first either… I had a thing going with Isabella first,” she drained that glass quickly too, “Then the shit with the Qunari happened and she ran away,” she looked away again covering her face and rubbing her eyes.

“ Hawk…” he reached up, like he was going to touch her face but let his arm fall, that out of his comfort zone.

“Am I unlovable?” she asked, tears now streaming down her face a small hic in her voice, “Or am I just a convenient play thing? Someone to use then throw away?” she hic-ed again and wrapped her arms around her, shivering slightly.

“Hawk… I doubt that.” his voice was soft as he took a hesitant step forward. “I believe those who have used you, they may not have cared, but there is someone out there,” a small smile flickered over his lips. 

She let out another sob and shook her head, “ Everyone… except Bethany has left me… Even she will lose her need for me and leave,” she wrapped her arms tighter around herself.

With a small sound Cullen took her hand and pulled her close to him, giving her a loose hug, making sure not to press tightly her into his armor. She let out another sob and pressed close to his breastplate, she held onto the sides crying even harder.

He stood for a moment in shock, until he started to softly pat her back and held her in a loose hug, most importantly just let her cry. His mind was searching for what he used to do when his sister was upset, but the memories from before he was a templar seemed a bit faded, and hard to reach. So he just allowed her to cry,even gently rubbed upper back in small circles. 

It took awhile, and his ankle had started to ache but soon her sobs quieted down and she moved to look up at him. Her eyelashes stuck together with tears, “Cullen… am I unlovable?”

“No, Hawk I don't think so,” his voice was soft, the circles around his eyes seemed a bit darker in the fire light, he reached up and gently wiped her tears away, “I just don't think you have found the right person yet.”

Before he could move his hand away Hawk was leaning forward, the scent of alcohol was strong as she locked her lips over his, in a tight lipped kiss. It took him a moment before he pushed her back, “Hawk, you don't mean that,” his voice was thick as he took a step away from her, she wrapped her arms around herself once again.

“How do you know what I mean? Hell, if everyone else is taking it… why not you too?” she cocked her head and moved forward again. 

A firm hand on her shoulder halted her progress toward him, “Hawk, I have no intention of taking advantage of you, nor anyone in your position. You are doing this out of desperation, nothing good will come of it,” his voice was also firm, and the hand on her shoulder gave a small squeeze. 

“Come on Cullen,” a smile seemed to break across her face as she leaned her head toward his hand, “ I… just want to feel needed…”

With a laugh he shook his head and took another step back dropping his hand, “Before you where three drinks deep, you were saying the exact opposite of this, that others where using you in this exact way and you were tired of it… now this?” he asked with a raised brow.

“Come on Cullen…” The smile seemed to turn almost predatory. She didn’t move, yet the room suddenly felt rather small. “A girl is allowed to change her mind right? I just want someone to hold me… and your arms seem free.” 

“No Hawk, I will not be used to make yourself feel better, I will not allow you to use me, like you have been used.” his voice was soft yet firm, his expression matching. 

Her lip quivered, then a deep breath seemed to calm her. “Thank you… thank you Cullen…” this smile seems true, and on the side of relief. 

“I will take my leave now champion, I should check on the others… if there are any others.” Cullen gave her another smile and a nod as he moved to leave the room.

“Cullen… could you stay… and just… stay with me.. you can leave in the morning… I am just scared to be alone right now…” 

Cullen turned and looked at her, he didn't see the strong woman that took down a demon, nor the woman that stood up to the ex-Knight Commander; no he saw a scared one, one that had far too much weight on her shoulders. 

“Hawk, I will stay until you fall asleep, then I will take my leave,” he offered her a small smile and gestured toward the door, “go and make yourself comfortable in bed, then I will not leave until you are fast asleep.” he gave another smile as she nodded and moved toward the door.

“You know I sleep in the nude… you could still join me,” she offered but her tone and the teasing look in her eyes said she was just trying to relieve some of the tension she had brought into the room.

“Go Hawk, I will be up in a few. Make sure you are covered adequately,” he laughed and shook his head as she walked by him with a wink. Her movements looked just a tad bit wobbly but he figured she could make it up stairs just fine. 

Alone for a few moments Cullen took a deep breath and pulled out a small bag from his side and took out a small horne. He uncorked it and measured out just a small bump of lyrum. With a sad look down at it he inhaled it quickly then put the bag and horne away. He was sick of how dependant he had become. Worried that if it got any worse, he may start to truly lose, the best parts of him. He had seen other Templars lose everything, then when they left the order only drink was left for them. 

He moved his way up the stairs, contemplating what was next for the Order, what could he do to be of any help? Maybe go home, or go to the meet up that the mages and Templars were having at the chantry near Haven. He could hear her still rustling on the other side of the door once he made it to the landing. He waited a bit longer until no sounds came from the room. 

Opening the door he was met with Hawk curled under her blanket her eyes full of tears again. “So… I am not unlovable… just it’s easier to use me?”

With a sigh Cullen moved forward, he would never understand how females could flip through emotions so easily. He found it easier to just push them away, well the Lyrim made that easier. 

“No Hawk, you are not unlovable. And others using you does not mean it is easy to do so,” he moved toward the head of her bed to lean against the wall. “It means that they used your trust to earn a spot in your bed, they had to have withheld quite a bit too; I never pegged you for someone who could be fooled.”

“I was fooled twice though… how did they do it so easily?” her voice was soft, and her big blue eyes seemed to flicker in the fire light. 

“I don't know Hawk, I truly don't. If we were in a different… if we had met differently,” he changed quickly before she could turn that into a joke, “I would never have allowed them to do that… but this is how it is, and it is time for you to sleep. Tomorrow with a clear head and a bit of sleep you can ask those who could answer that question.”

“Thank you Cullen. When you leave, go and get some sleep yourself, you look like you need it,” she stifles back a yawn as she burrows further into her blankets, “Though most templars seem to look like that these days. Stay safe Cullen… don't let yourself get killed. There is a girl out there waiting for you to make them the happiest on earth,” with a small sound she added, “I do wish that could have been me… yet like you said… different time different circumstances…” another yawn broke up her sentence. 

“Good night Hawk, sleep well, and in the morning make good decisions,” he chuckles and let's his eyes roam over the room, listening to her breath slowly even out and soon a small snore fills the room. 

As quietly as he can he leaves the room, closing the door behind him. As he descends the stairs, he could feel eyes on him. With a look about he sees the blonde mage, Anders, watching him in a mixture of anger and hurt.

“What were you doing in her room, templar?” Anders voice was firm, and Cullen could see the blue of the demon within him flickering.

“I was consoling the woman whom you have broken, you took her heart and gave it back twisted and used,” Cullen stood just a bit taller, “I am not you. I do not use women then toss them aside when I need to prove a point,” his voice had gained a bit of a growl as he took a few heavy steps toward the slightly shorter mage. “In my position I can do nothing to help her, all i can do is hope she is strong enough to never let you use her again.”

“I-"Anders had begun to try and rebut but stopped when Cullen raised his hand. 

“Just… don’t mage. Don’t.” With a long glare Cullen left the mage, who would to go comfort her. With a prayer to Andrastate he hoped she would find the strength to never let the mage use her again.


End file.
